24 July 2013

Passion, Puke, and Priorities

So… yeah.

I’m late with my article this month. Really late. Like “oh crap, is she pregnant?” late.

But I have a really good excuse.


Hold on, I know it’s around here somewhere.

Ah, screw it. I just flat-out didn't do it.

Sure, my kid was sick, but it’s 2013. EVERYBODY’S kid is sick. That doesn't work anymore. We had some major home projects to work on, but my wife is a high school teacher so she knows all about due dates, and she doesn't let me miss deadlines. I feel sorry for her students sometimes.

So what happened?

I happened.

This mess of a guy was trying to do a million things at once and decided the writing could wait. Ugh, it makes me nauseous just thinking about it. This passion, this hunger, this thing I want to do more than anything else was just pushed to the back burner for a few weeks while I did…other stuff.

And that’s okay. Yes, I feel sick when I think about the time wasted, but ultimately it’s just something that happened, and I have to recognize that even though it wasn't a very awesome choice, I can get back on track and leave my moment of weakness behind me.

When you’re pursuing a passion, you tend to make it an obsession that consumes your brain all day, every day. I think most of us are thinking about writing all the time, even when we’re not doing it. Especially when we’re not doing it. My mind actually shuts down a little when I’m finally sitting down to write. The words flow and I turn off my brain to avoid over-thinking the process. The mental torture doesn't start until I move on to something else and begin flagellating myself for neglecting the writing. So the answer is just write all the time, isn't it?

Nope. Not possible. I've got a boss that expects me to actually “do my job.” My son doesn't care about my passion. He just wants to play cars. And my wife would like to have her husband around once in a while. While I’m spinning all these plates, I’m secretly loathing myself for not being in front of a keyboard, and I do a lot of loathing.

Writing is a priority in my life, that’s not a question. The question is where it fits and when it fits. To truly bring writing back into the fold and make it stick, I have to make sure I establish an unbreakable commitment to the activity. I can’t have an excuse to let myself off the hook. I need a place where I can always write. I need a time when no one else can divide my attention. I know that place and time exist. I just have to find them.

No comments:

Post a Comment

Freelance Writers to Career Authors