Writer's Grief

by Cecilia Dominic


The problem with being a writer is that imagination doesn't limit itself to storylines.  For example, I entered my novel Wolfsbane Manor into the Amazon Breakout Novel Award contest this year.  My fantasy immediately placed me at the winner's ceremony in June.  A notification on my birthday that I had made it through the first round seemed to confirm that victory was inevitable.

The next notification never came.  I waited until around March 31 to actually check and see if they'd posted a list of who made it to the next round.  As you probably guessed, I didn't make the cut.

This brings me to the Stages of Writers' Grief (unashamedly adapted from Elizabeth Kübler-Ross' work):

1.  Denial:  Surely they couldn't have rejected me.  It's probably
just a mistake.  They didn't notify us until four whole days after the
first target date, so I'm sure they're just running behind again.

2.  Anger (after finally checking the website):  I've only read the
critiques on my excerpt once.  How dare these "experts" tell me it's
too fragmented, and it's not horror, you numbskulls, it's suspense!

3.  Bargaining:  Dear God, if you give me some sort of encouragement,
just a small sign like a short story sale to a prestigious market, I
promise to never doubt my worth as a writer again.

4.  Sadness:  Of course the reviewers were right, I'm an idiot for
even trying.  I'll never be an author.  I may as well just give up and
stick with the day job.

5.  Acceptance:  I have to be okay with where I am right now because
if I constantly think about where I "should" be, I'll never progress.
This time to learn, experiment, and grow should be appreciated.

Learning about writing – and putting that knowledge into practice – can seem unstructured outside a formal program like an M.F.A.  My husband has told me no more degrees, so no M.F.A. for me.  Thus, my course of study feels like it's all electives, and it's definitely all self-study.  There's a certain freedom to this that I can't discount. I can write what I want, post to my website without restrictions, and take time off to read and learn a new subject area when I need to.

Sure, I have moments when I'm tired and resentful and wonder when "it's" going to happen, whatever "it" is that will launch my writing career.  I dread getting back into the query game, especially since I
will have to re-read those critiques and decide for myself what's fair.  On the other hand, I can take the time I need to do the groundwork for my next The Penny Dreadful serial and continue writing
my Twitter #fridayflash stories.  At this point, I don't need my writing to support me, so I may as well enjoy it.  I'm sure I'll become a better writer as a result of being able to take the time to learn, experiment, and channel my imagination in the right directions.



Cecilia Dominic writes best with a cat perched on the back of her chair and a glass of wine or cup of coffee in front of her.  She posts genre fiction, thoughts on writing, and reviews of self-published books at http://ceciliadominic.blogspot.com, and she blogs about food and wine at http://random-oenophile.blogspot.com  She has written three novels, revised two, and published none, but not for lack of trying.  She also writes short stories and flash fiction and is a regular contributor to the Decatur News Online and The Penny Dreadful websites.  Cecilia lives in Decatur, Georgia with two cats and a husband.